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Thread: in the field

  1. #1
    Cute Little Poot
    Join Date
    Saturday, Feb 8 2014
    Posts
    3

    in the field

    In the field where the flowers bloom,
    I see a little girl making a crown for her friend
    I hear a bird, a bee, and a little boy laughing
    I feel the sun’s warm embrace holding me close
    I smell the nice family’s picnic
    I see a patchwork quilt falling into place on the ground
    I hear the wind whispering secrets to the trees
    I feel the soft purple flowers between my toes
    I smell the flowers’ pretty perfume
    I see beautiful blond hair swaying in the wind
    I hear a strong deep voice singing poems of love
    I feel his hand fitting perfectly in mine
    I smell his lovely cologne
    I love him...
    I remember those three years of heaven
    It now seems like hell...
    I see the casket, holding a face dear to me
    I hear the church bells, the choir singing
    I feel so cold, without his embrace
    I smell that horrible incense
    I know hes gone...
    But I wish he would have stayed...
    So I could say goodbye.
    Last edited by m17un4l0v3; May 3rd, 2014 at 04:56 PM.

  2. #2
    Sock SockOutTheWindow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Saturday, Jan 29 2011
    Location
    Where you live
    Posts
    389

    Re: in the field

    Your poetry is beautiful (albeit slightly morbid), but I don't know about "barbecue" in the fifth line. It just seems to throw off the rhythm for me.
    Don't worry!
    Batman can breathe in space! Unfortunately, none of us are Batman.
    Worry!

  3. #3
    Cute Little Poot
    Join Date
    Saturday, Feb 8 2014
    Posts
    3

    Re: in the field

    It had originally been picnic, but my friend commented that picnics don't usually have a strong smell. She told me to change it, so I did. Im thinking I might change it back.

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